doctors office

Went to the doctor today to talk about my foot. He said I just suffered a really bad sprain. Gave me some advice for treating it. I got to tell him that I haven't gained any weight since August, and that I am trying harder to lose weight. So that was really nice. I really like my doctor, and I want to make him proud.
I have to really motivate myself with all the resources I can muster.

sad...

not much to report.

I weighed myself on Monday I guess, 233 pounds. Every time I have weighed myself since August 09 it has been 233 pounds. I guessed that I had gained a pound or two after the holidays, so I am pretty sure I took that off. My goal is to break 233 before the end of January.

Though I have been having some health stuff, and have used that as an excuse not to work out. But I am catching up on school work, and going to class again, so that is better.

I can back on track.

food journal

I have been writing down everything I ate in my food journal. I've never done one before. It's really helpful.

failed!

Yesterday was a good food day. I probably went over my goal for calories in a day, but not badly. Though again I didn't work out. Today I made some back choices about attending class. I have easy classes, and so I've gotten behind in my homework. It's taking a toll on me. So far today has been a good food day though. I will try to work out, at least twenty minutes.

I had such a huge burst of energy, self esteem and attitude when I started this real effort to lose weight. I find myself drifting now, and putting things off, doing poorly in school. I need to get motivated and get those feelings back. Putting my health and my schoolwork first in my life can really make a difference. I can grow up, be more mature. It will also make me happier. So I'm going to work on my attitude today.

back pain

I am not sure how I hurt my back, I'm thinking hula hooping in Wii Fit Plus maybe, but it really hurts. I was worried it was my kidneys at first, I couldn't imagine just my plain old back muscles hurting that much. So that sucks. It hurt yesterday and this morning. Ibuprofen is helping a lot. But I used it as an excuse not to work out last night or this morning. So I need to find some motivation and really dig deep to fix this situation.

Perhaps, pain is just weakness leaving the body.

Perhaps, I just pulled some muscles and it really hurts.

But yesterday and today have been good food days. I wanted to eat at 8:44 at night, but I had cereal, and wasabi peas, so that was an alright choice. Still, need to stop those late night cravings.

Tuesday!

So far, so good.

Got up at 5:30 to work out with mom a little. Feeling okay. Stressed out about school, which doesn't help. If I can catch up this week that will be a big help.

set backs

This weekend was rough. I did well on Friday, and alright on Saturday. Sunday was a day of fun with Julia and John, so I had a great lunch and didn't worry about food. But I also didn't work out. I binged back at Tanner's that night. I was emotional all weekend. Today was a binge again, and not working out.

But in the good news category. I walked from the car to Laura's apartment, and up two flights of stairs on Saturday night to a party. I noticed that I was less out of breath at the top. So working out is already paying off.

I will do better this week. On Tuesday I go to the UW gym for the first time in probably a year. I need to make that a habit.

Go to stay motivated.

This can really work for me this time. I can make a change in my life, for the better. It's exciting.

yesterday

Yesterday was not a great day. I ate around 1,900 calories. Whichi is okay. But I didn't work out at all. I also made some dubious choices regarding my school attendance.

But I can do better today.

The other day I walked past a mirror and looked at my belly. I smiled. I was really surprised, I think I smiled because I have such a good attitude this time, and I am working on losing weight. It's nice to try and like my body again.

day two

Well on day one, it was 10:00 at night, and so I went to bed after I blogged.

Yesterday was a great real first day. I ate around 1,400 calories. My mom and Tanner are worried that was too little. But I didn't starve myself, it just sort of fell out that way. So today I will try to have more snacks and keep up my calories. Yesterday Tanner and I did some work out videos that we found online, at the Discovery Health Website. So I worked out for 35 minutes hard, sweated! Then did some full sit ups and some wall pushups. I'm disappointed that I have so little upper body strength that I had to do wall pushups, not even "girl" pushups. But I can keep working on it.

Yay! Good start.

I've got another big hurdle though. I am supposed to go to the IMA, the intramural athletic center, the huge gym on campus. As a student I've already paid for it. But I got intimidated and didn't go there today. I need to get a locker first, and then I need to get used to working out there. I have time in the morning. I don't know why I'm letting myself get intimidated. Oh well. I just have to go on Monday no matter how I feel.

Day One

So this is where I am now. These photos were taken a few weeks ago, Tanner and his friends and I went on a brewery tour. I don't like the way I look in these photos, and I'm going to change that.

I am 5'8" and weigh approximately 236 pounds. I'm not going to worry so much about my weight as much as my waist line, Dr. Oz points out that belly fat is what makes you unhealthy. So tonight at 10:00 p.m. my waist was 48 inches, that's a size 20 woman's jeans. I gained three pounds or so over the holidays, but other then that I haven't gained any weight since August. I get winded walking uphill across campus. I've never been strong, but since I broke my foot in September I feel like I have been less active and become weaker physically.

I am ready to stop doing this to myself. I gained the weight in China and the months following my return to Seattle. I was homesick and then became depressed about the fact that I was homesick and the choices I had made. But I haven't been able to lose the weight. I am not experiencing any health effects, but I know the longer I carry the weight the more likely this will become.

I am moving to Japan with Tanner in August or maybe September. I am a big girl to begin with and I feel that I just can't be fat in Japan. I won't fit anywhere! It would make me feel uncomfortable in many places. I will also be done with college and ready to try new things, and to work full time. I need to be fit and have more energy.

So I'm going to lose the weight. I know a lot about nutrition and how to lose weight. I am also following some great blogs written by people who have lost weight naturally. And also some blogs about women who lift weights. I can do this. And since I'm on the computer all day, I might as well use this as my journal. I will be able to look back and see how I'm doing and to show everyone my accomplishments.